Letter in the mail

You never know when a small thing like a letter in the mail is going to influence your day. Today was a letter from JL's first school. "To the parents of..." I'm reading thinking, "Are you sure??? MY little girl is old enough to go to school?" It wasn't like it was a letter telling me how brilliant, beautiful, or socially incredible she is. It was just a letter to let us know about the schedule and school lunch...what time the warning bell is. WHAT???!!! Shouldn't she still be drinking from a bottle and chewing on a binky? I know i'm not old...I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I opened it and cried. I can't believe my baby girl is growing up. I can't believe that she's not scared, or nervous. She's excited!!! I guess I just feel like i'm losing my best friend. It's hard to explain. You want your children to succeed and to grow up to be civilized, respectable people. I guess I just don't want her to grow up...period. I wish that the mailman would have misplaced that letter today. I wish that I could turn back time, and keep her little...but then I know she wouldn't be happy. So I guess i'll just try to be brave. I'll kiss her goodnight with that same lump in my throat. I'll pat her on the back and wave goodbye. Stupid letter.

FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

NEGATIVE...

Ever noticed how negative the world is???...Sometimes it's really hard for me to stay positive when everything around me is bad. So I thought I would write about some good things...
1. Eternal families...I love my family. I don't ever want to be without them.
2. little girls...I love hearing them talk. They are so funny when they are trying to act like adults. My JL thinks that she is 21. She wants everything a woman should have...make up, curling irons, ect. She's sweet in her own way.
3. big blue eyes...my JS has the biggest blue eyes i've ever seen. Whenever i'm sad, he will look at me with those bright eyes, and usually say something like, "Mom, you're gonna be pretty forever.."
4. chubby legs...not mine, Aunt Deb. JT's. I love it when he's crawling around in just his diaper and his enormous tummy is hanging over, and his cute little chubby legs are jiggling...haha makes me laugh just thinking about it.
5. Husbands...I don't want anyone to throw up, but..I love Steven. He has been so sensitive to my feelings lately. He is so cute when he talks sports or about a book he's reading. I am so proud to be his wife. He's definately a guy, don't get me wrong...we have our moments...but I love that about him too. The whole package is just sweet.
6. Mothers...I love my mom. She is definately up there on the best friends list. I know I can always count on a free meal, or a shoulder to cry on, or a babysitter at the last minute. Throughout my life, it seems i've always woken up during hard times, and seen her face. She's always quick with a laugh, or quick to discipline...she's my favorite!
7. Grandma's...a girl's best friend. I have 4 Grandma's. Steve's Grandma's and both of mine. I've decided i'm going to learn all I can from these women before it's too late. I've learned to garden, crocet, quilt, can fruits, cross stitch, paint, frame, and cook. These women are awesome. Something I didn't think I would get from these wonderful ladies and that is wisdom. When i'm angry or upset, I think to myself, "hmmm...how would Grandma Dillon handle this situation?" She's always full of grace and kindness. I'm sure she bites her tounge a lot also!!!
8. Music...of course i'm a big Matchbox Twenty fan. I love Rob Thomas, and his lyrics. My favorite thing about his music is that he doesn't drop the F bomb. I can listen to him in the car with my kids, or at home with friends, and be totally comfortable with the lyrics in his songs. ( Sadly, his concerts are a different story...) Music has brought my best friend and sister Traci and I together. We always have to turn up our favorite part and say..."Oh here it is...listen to this part.....oh yeah, soooo awesome."
9. Siblings...I have an older sister (only 13 months, don't worry Tiff...) She is so nice to me and my family. I have come home on several occasions and found food where it wasn't before, or diapers where there were none. I KNOW for a fact that it is her. She's a good egg. Brandon is my brother...he's a good kid also. He's been married for nearly 2 years now, and I also love his wife. They are always good to come sit with the kids for awhile if I need to get out. Traci is my baby sister and just got married on Thursday. What a good girl she is...I am honored to be in the same family as these most choice children.
10...and final. I am glad to have a good father. I love my Daddy. He is a rock, a beacon in the night. I'll never forget how early he had to be to work, and yet I would find him on the steps reading his scriptures, or saying a prayer. His undying example has shaped who I am. He's a very brave soul, very courageous. I love him.
Wow!!! I feel better already. I hope that sometimes we can sit and look at the good, like Abraham Lincoln said...if you look for the bad, you shall surely find it. I'm going to focus on the good, and find it.

last night....

Last night was something i've never experienced before. The men in our ward play ball every Thursday night at the church. Since they combined us with the 1st ward, there has been quite a lot of men that show up on Thursday night. It is officially called "Thursday ball night." Our friend Mike was there for the first time. We've spent many nights sitting on the patio laughing and joking, sipping slurpee's. Always joking, always making fun...next thing I know, he's on the ground. The men yelled for us to call 911. I ran to him, he was turning purple. I told him to hang on, that help was on the way. He tried to hold on, but it wasn't long before he was unconcious. The EMT's got there, and tried to revive him. I rode with his wife to the emergency room. They immediately put us in a conference room, where the doctor came in and informed us that her husband had 'unfortunately passed away.' I held her while she cried, and I held her 11 year old son when his mother told him that his Daddy was gone. I still can't believe that last night, his family had a father, a priesthood holder, a friend. Last night our ward had the best scout leader any ward could ask for. Last night, I had a friend, someone who promised to come get me in his tow truck if I was ever in need. Last night, my husband had a buddy, someone to joke with. Last night his wife wasn't a widow, or in mourning. Last night everything changed. Last night our friend Bill was happily joking with his buddy, last night I was worried about some flab on my tummy, last night my daughter didn't need counseling, life is precious, life is fragile, life changed all last night...Tomorrow, I promise to be better.