I HATE the ice cream man....

I really don't know why for sure, but....I absoloutely HATE the ice cream man. The silly carnival music; the creepy man behind the wheel; the over priced cream bars. I mean, really it's annoying to say the least, and nothing bothers me more when I hear a whistle for the creepy man behind the wheel to stop. It takes all I have within my soul to not throw something at him..."You STUPID STUPID creep! Don't buy anything from him! Let him run out of gas, so I don't have to see him anymore!!!" I'm really not an angry person...I don't know maybe there was some sort of traumatic experience when I was a child involving an ice cream man or something...I really don't know. I have these feelings inside of me everytime I hear that stupid "B-I-N-G-O" song. Maybe in my next life, when i'm in charge there won't be such a thing as an ice cream man.

Ten Years...

Ten years ago I was lost...I lost a good friend to a tragic car accident. My life fell apart. I was miserable. I've never wanted to never wake up again so badly in my life. Ten years ago I hated who I was. I was ashamed of myself and whom I had become. I had shut everyone out of my life...friends and family. I lived in fear...I was afraid for my life. Afraid for my sister's life. I cannot believe she's been gone ten years.
Today...I have the best friend in the world. I'm married to him. I am happy. Every morning I wake up to the happy sound of beautiful children. Today I love who I am and who I have become. Today I have so many friends that love me and family who actually care. It's been a long ten years...a lot of healing has taken place. Today I still struggle...but it's help shape who I am. Today I love myself. Today is the best day, and I miss her more than ever before.

Happy New Year!!!

I really dont want to brag...BUT...I have the most beautiful daughter on the earth!!! She is 5 years old now, and so much fun. She has these almond shaped eyes with gorgeous dark lashes and beautifully arched eyebrows. She truly is my best friend. I recently had my 3rd baby, and she is such a big helper. She takes care of my little 3 year old so that I can care for my newborn. When I think about these things, it makes my heart feel like its about the size of Texas! I am so blessed with outstanding children. My husband and I get along well, we have our problems, but who doesn't? I have absoloutely wonderful extended family, and I couldn't live without them.
My husband and I don't have much money. You know you're poor when you go to get your taxes done and the examiner sits across from you and tells you how sorry he feels for you and then refuses payment. We live in a mortuary of all places. Steven works for them so that we can live in a little 2 bedroom apartment for free while he goes to school. When I think about our circumstances it makes me sick sometimes. I try to remember how blessed we are to be able to get an education, have children, and live somewhere for free. Sometimes I think about how this isn't exactly how I pictured my life. I guess I still have a lot of it to live though. I am grateful for the experiences that life has given me. I'm grateful for the smiles on Christmas Day that wouldn't have been there if it weren't for certain people. I am grateful for Steven's family, I am so glad to know that they love me. Their love wraps around me like a warm blanket on a bitter cold day. I am grateful for the smells of the new year...grateful for the people I get to spend it with.

Getting through

Life is all about getting through...getting through birth, getting through those first months of life, getting through school, getting through dating, getting through engagement...marriage, children...and eventually death.
What about those of us whom are thrown an extra clink in the already rusty stove? How am I supposed to get through all the trials i've already been given...such as children and a husband when I have so much already on my mind. How do you deal with abuse? How do you rid those memories from your sponge brain? One has to learn how to just 'get through' all of it? Somedays I feel this is impossible. Somedays I feel completely free of the bondage i'm in. I guess it all boils down to just getting through it all...