Why is it that everyone around me has exactly what they want? Or at least it seems that way...? I mean, I do what i'm supposed to do...I pay my tithing, I go to church, I have Family Home Evening, I pray, I ask and I beg for help...for something to happen to change our situation. And still...no matter what happends, everyone around me is happy, healthy, and moving along their path very well, and I stay put. Right here. Right in the same spot. Never moving. Always sticking to the same lonely place. Why? Why am I still in this rut? Why can't I have what I need? Why do I have to have these problems?
I know I sound ungrateful, but I am grateful. Is it so wrong to want something better for myself and for my family? Am I a horrible person for wanting a safe place for my children to grow and learn? Is it wrong to want more? I want more. I want a place for JL to grow...a little room for her. I want a little backyard without any drug needles in it. I want to be happy.
I've always thought that happiness was a choice, and i've chosen to just be happy for a long time now. I think i'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of pretending that it's all ok. It's NOT ok, but i'll keep trying to smile.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Trying to smile...
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25 comments:
Tami, one of the hardest lessons to learn is that everyone has their own path and journey. Yes, some people seem to have everything fall into place. Nice homes, good jobs, cute kids etc. While others wish for those types of blessings.
I have learned that I need to find ways to be enjoying my journey. My road has been bumpy, and there were times I was positive I would never get out of the rocky road I was traveling on.
The reality is, we are blessed with the gospel. And that matters.
I know that soon, Steve will have it planned out for you. Your mortuary will turn into your home. Somewhere with a yard, and rooms, and a mortgage, and property taxes. It will be wonderful~
its coming.
Try and keep your head up tam, and remember your baby sister loves you for who you are!!!
I'm sorry things are so frustrating right now! It will get better sweetie!
Do what I do, when it looks like everyone around you has it all, just remember... THEY're LYING!
Love ya girl! email me, or call me, whatever you need!!
You are NOT alone. If it makes you feel any better, I know how you feel because I feel the exact same way right now!!! I love you SOOO much. You're one of the best friends a girl could have. You have SO much to offer, even though YOU may not see it. You are the best Tam, and right now..."I" love YOU more!!!!!!
Ether 12:4
4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
&
3rd Nephi 22:10-13
10 For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.
11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted! Behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
It's okay to pray for more! In one of Sheri Dew's books she tells a story about Joseph Smith . They were sitting down to a meal of beans and he prayed, "We thank Thee for these beans, and pray for something better." A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. A man was bringing them a ham. Of course our prayers aren't always answered so quickly, but they are answered.
You are making sacrifices in your life now, so that later your children will have something better. These times will be a lesson to them too. They won't take what they have for granted now or later. {{{Hugs}}}
Would you feel better if I told you that my life kind of sucks right now too? I repress the stress and focus on the good.
Oh Tam, You don't sound ungrateful. You sound like a mama! It's not bad to want more - just don't let it ruin the good times you can have now. But I know that it's frustrating when you are in a rut and you feel like you slip in deeper everytime you try to climb out. It's not just you honey...believe me! Keep your head up. You are such an awesome mom with the cutest sweetest kids. I was always a little bit jealous of my sister Stef that she got to be your neighbor. You're so fun and talented and I felt like I missed out by not getting to live by you guys! Love ya Lady!!!
You are not alone! Heavenly Father is always with you, and so am I. Call me!!!!!!!!
Big hugs Tam! XOXO
We all have peaks and valleys, but as everyone mentioned before, stay close to Him who matters through it all--the good and the bad, because before we came here we agreed to it.
Love you!
Just passing through and sending up prayers that your situation improves. Find close friends and allow them to see your authentic self...they will love you through it! You sound like a great mom who wants the best for her children. There is nothing wrong with that! God bless. Mary
Hey girl. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith. You don't always have to have all the answers now. Happiness isn't a place. You don't just arrive there. You have to choose to make the best of life right now. It's a choice you make within yourself everyday. Somedays are harder than others. Sometimes life just bares your back side and sandblasts the crap out of ya. I'm not going to tell you to suck it up and keep moving but I will give you full permission to hang out in your jammies all day!
Sometimes that is all we can do! chin up.
When I want more from life or if I want things to be better, I don't wait for someone else to do it for me. I do it for myself. I earn what I get. Sure, you could wait for someone to bring you a ham, or you could earn it yourself. I'd rather earn it myself.
The Lord helps those who help themselves.
YEAH...I know...duh
I wasn't saying that I just want someone to give it to me...
Steven goes to school, and works, it's just taken a long time. I wasn't asking for a handout. I never do.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve your situation. This is my blog where I express my feelings and emotions while journaling for my family. I don't expect you to read my blog. Life is rough, but I am truly blessed and count my blessings every day. This particular post was on a rough day. Thank you for sharing your useless comment.
Tami
Hey don't let anybody make you feel crappy for having a bad day. Good Gosh! Tell ham lady that she can go earn her ham and feel good while eating it but the rest of us need a boost every now and then. Jeff and I are both STILL in school and some days it sucks. I don't wanna write a 15 page paper! I want to play with my kids and and be able to do more for them than I am capable of doing now. I hear ya Tam. It's ok to want more blessings while you're counting the ones you have. It's people like ham lady that cause the rest of us to wonder if we're losers for not being able to do it all and handle everything perfectly. Give us a break! I can't do it all and I know it, and I'm ok with it! Heavenly Father still loves me and he loves you so much Tami. You rock and you are NEVER alone.
Tami you're too funny! Obviously that anonymous doesn't know you at all! Of course you're not looking for a hand out! it's okay to have a crappy day and say so! We all do, and those who don't are just pretending! Take care, and I so missed you the other night!
Love ya!!
"I pray, I ask and I beg for help...for something to happen to change our situation."
I may be misunderstanding, but it does look--to the casual observer--that you aren't doing what it takes to resolve your situation. Something won't just happen unless you make it happen.
It is great to want more than you have. But don't just sit around praying and hoping that it will appear. Get a job. Get an education. Make your hubby get a job that actually supports all the kids you've made.
Just a thought
Dear Casual observer...
It sounds more like you are a rude commenter than a casual observer. maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself. Like I said...hmmm this is MY blog to write MY feelings down. I DO have a job...and my hubby's job is NONE of YOUR business. He works VERY hard.
We DO work hard...but we also PRAY. I'm not sitting here on my couch waiting dummy. Faith without works is dead. I know that. I was HAVING A BAD DAY. Those happen. And if you don't have bad days, GOOD FOR YOU. Please please please stop reading my blog and leaving me useless comments that don't DO any GOOD. How about this? Why don't YOU go do something nice for someone instead of putting them down? Or is that considered "giving a handout" to someone like you?
Here's A THOUGHT...get a life of your own, and stay off my site.
Tami
Dear 'casual observer' Who the HE#@ do you think that you are to publish something like this on MY sister's blog!?! She is MY best friend, MY only Good Friend lately and always will be, and How DARE YOU put her and her family down like this, Your probably one of those people who've always been 'daddy's little girl' and had everything handed to you and then got everything handed to you in your marriage, and in my own opinion, struggling in your marriage and in life makes you humble and a stronger person, so next time let people have a bad day!!!! and leave MY family and sister ALONE!!!
Wow Ms. Anonymous, you've got some serious nerve. I'm not sure where you get off with your "holier than thou" attitude but Heavenly Father is not a fan of that. Maybe you should either grow a set and put your name down so people can call you on your ridiculous comments or leave everybody alone and go play scripture chase with yourself!
Ben here. I have two thoughts. First, I want to be blunt and speak from my heart. Screw the Casual Observer. Why is he trying to give advice to a stranger when none was really asked for? Screw it! Everyone is thinking it, but heck, I'll come out and say it. What a Moron!
Second, I say amen to everything you wrote that. I've had similar days (notice that mine is plural). So Tam, Amen!
Crap, I didn't want keep commenting and bugging you, but I can't pass this up! Sheesh, who is the anonymous SCHMO? It's almost comical just how stupid he or she is! I mean really!
I have personally always found it quite wise to pass judgement on people and their situation when I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!
(hope you noted the sarcasim! ha ha)
Take care Tami Love ya sista!
Hi Tami I was just reading through your cute blog! I just wanted you to know that I know you are an awesome person and I look up to you and I especially LOVE working (YES WORKING AT A JOB!!!) with you!!! Your such a fun person!! I also wanted to comment on the "HAM LADY (OR man)". That person acts as though they are super spiritual and high and mighty, but if she were truly doing God's work she wouldn't be so cruel! She gave you unsolicited advise and she doesn't even know what the heck she is talking about!! Try to ignore such a coward of a person. you may have had a bad day, but she obviously has a bad life! Maybe we should just all feel sorry for her.... oh wait... then we would be giving her a ham, she needs to earn it! Here's a thought... Stop writing crap on my friend's blog unless you have something nice to say!!
Jen Boyette
Hey Tami,
I've really enjoyed viewing your blog. Don't let anonymous get to you. It's not worth your time and energy. Forget about it and go give your kids a hug. Keep your head up. You're a great person.
Hey Tami and Steve,
Just wanted to leave you a quick note to tell you we are proud of you. We know that you work really hard and are amazing people. We love you very much and please know you are a strength and example in our lives.
Dear Casual Observer,
Please leave your name, number and address on the next post... I have a husband who would really like to kick your ass. Your little... "The Lord helps those who help themselves"... is a ridiculous quote... I would love to know where he said that – its not in the scriptures.
-Bridget
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