Gone back to heaven...

Little Princess Tori has gone back to our Father in Heaven today. I feel very sad, and very sick to my stomach. I have been very angry today, and frustrated, and then I made it to the hospital, and felt the sweet spirit that was there. I know that she was sent here for a reason, but what that might be I might not know in this life. I know that she is with her brother, Carter. I know that someday we will get to play with those two little angels. What a blessing they have been to me in my life. Just to be near them, to touch them, to feel of their warmth. No thought or words could describe how i've felt being near these two little people. It has been a journey of tears, sorrow, laughter, and strength.

I am grateful for the journey, and the opportunity i've been given to be near Frank and Kayla. It has been such a coming together as family. I am so sad tonight. I have to admit that tonight the journey feels bitter. I feel so useless. I wish I could fix the heartaches, and the heartbreaks.

I am grateful for my little family...for JL who is my best friend...and JS who teaches me things like why turtles wear shells...(because they don't want you to see their Ninja Turtles undies) and for little JT who can brighten a room just by entering it. I love my husband. I love how he loves me...and I would do anything for him.

My heart hurts tonight for our family. I don't ever want to be without them. Thank You to everyone who prayed for Tori. Those prayers have been felt, and many prayers answered. I really appreciate everyone and your supporting me boosting me up with your comments. It has been such a blessing to have had her in our lives for the last month. I'll never forget the way I felt when she reached up and held my finger. I was able to peer into her soul, and i'll never be the same.

Thanks Julie...

Julie tagged me for a meme...and by popular demand (thanks Cris and Brit) I'll do another one. I'll try to make this one more interesting than my last one...

Six things that you might not know about me...

1. I was a track star in Junior High...LOL!!! I was hardly a star. I lost every race I ran. I remember running the mile and almost being lapped, as I ran past the stands my Mom was yelling, "Hurry up, Tam! Just pretend like there's a big dog chasing you!!!" I don't remember if the girl lapped me or not, but it's just funny to think about now! Oh! I did win 3rd in my heat once! Does that count for something?
I did have really nice legs back then tho...WOO HOO!

2. I am obsessed with Prison Break. I love Wentworth Miller. Every Monday I tape (no I don't have TIVO...you can feel sorry for me now) Prison Break and my sister Traci comes over and we watch it after the kids are in bed. She and her new Hubby come over together now because we've got him hooked now, also. I'm gonna freak out tonight if they don't get their butts out of Sona...such stress...

3. My friends are like family to me. I would do anything for my friends. I would get out of bed at 3am to go help them in a heartbeat. Just like my family, I pray for them, I cry for them, I laugh with them, I hurt when they hurt. I'm just so darn empathetic!!! They also would do anything for me, I know it.

4. I LOVE ROB THOMAS!!I know that i've mentioned this one before...but truly, I love him. He is just so down to earth and kind. He is such a fun performer! I could watch him all day long. Can I hear a WOO HOO for the tour 2008?!!!! Matchbox Twenty in SLC on March 6!!! Can't wait, can't wait!!!

5. Heee Hee...um I was preggo 2 months after I was married. Can you say uh oh!? I can't say that I wasn't excited, but I was scared to death. Looking back on it, I wouldn't do it any different. She is my bestest friend, and I couldn't live without her. Little JS came 25 months later...and JT almost 3 years after JS. And, we're done. I get really sick when i'm preggo, and almost lost JT last time. The doctors recommended that I have a tubal ligation, so I did a year ago...woo hoo for no more birth control!

6. I married my best friend's brother. Some people have actually told me how mean I am because i've done this. "It's just so rude". Hmmm...never thought of it like that. I was just in love and so was he. I am sure that his sister doesn't have a problem with it...we've discussed it. We were Elementary School friends turned Sister-in-laws. It's great! I am her girls' Aunt, and she is my kids' Aunt. And we're the BEST AUNTS ever! We still talk a lot about all the fun times we had together crying in her bed because we were going to Junior High, and leaving Elementary. Also the times we 'compared chests'...LOL in the mirror. I've still gotcha Heidi! LOL I am glad to have such a good friend that is now my sister.

Ok...there you go. There's some random facts about me. Maybe next time, it will be more interesting. I love you Julie! You're too cute!

I love my shoppin' par'ner!!!

JL is the best shopping partner! She is so fun to take to the mall, or even the grocery store. She can find just what i'm looking for. When she was about 10 months old, my Mother in law took her shopping at Dillards. She stood in the stroller, and went through the outfits one by one, moving the hangers very carefully. I love taking her to Clinique...all of the ladies love it when she comes. They put sparkles on her face, and usually some blush. Of course she loves this, and she feels so BEAUTIFUL!!! Her other favorite thing to do is go to the salon. She loves to get her hair washed and cut.
Tomorrow, I have to go buy new shoes for the kids. JS's spiderman shoes have holes in the toes so bad, that when he wore them the other day, ALL of his toes were hanging out of the shoes!!! JL's Lizzy Maguire shoes don't fit anymore! So it's off to the shoe store. After we are done shoe shoppin, i've gotta take JL and JS to get their hair cut...WOO HOO!!! I haven't told the kids what we're doing yet, because they won't be able to sleep if I do. They get so excited anytime we are going to a store and actually spending some money. Seriously, they won't sleep. I'll tell them in the morning. Plus, JL has a birthday party tomorrow for a little girl in her class...she's so cute!
I love my little girl. Somedays the hormones are a little bit much for me, and it makes me think of my poor Daddy stuck with 4 women in the house at the same time. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without her, and I would have to say that it would definately be boring. It's always good to have a good shopping partner!!

hahaha!!! Happy birthday to the 4 yr and 50 yr olds!!!

WARNING::WARNING::WARNING::LONG POST::LONG POST::TOO MANY PICTURES::TOO MANY PICTURES::

Wow what a day!!! So my Mom woke up thismorning to a car full of balloons and streamers with window chalk. My sister Tiffany is AWESOME!! She also decorated our porch for JS's birthday. He was too excited to see this early thismorning!!My Mom is a school bus driver, so last night we trashed her school bus with streamers and 50 balloons. We wrote on the windows with window chalk. Here's pictures of us trashing the bus...along with the kids pretending to drive the bus, and JT sitting on the steering wheel. He accidentally honked the horn! It was hillarious! Don't freak out Monica...I was watching him real close. Hehehe...I love Monica!






Mom got a phone call from her neighbor wishing her a happy birthday. She said, 'Well how did you know that it's my birthday?' And he told her that he reads the newspaper. Hehehehe!!! We had her picture in the second page of the paper. So she went to Walmart to get JS's birthday present, so I called walmart and had them page her over the loud speaker...."Roslyn, Happy 50th Birthday!!!Roslyn, Happy 50th Birthday". ::evil laugh:: I took her lunch as a peace offering...it seemed to work. She didn't seem so mad at me.

That is until she went back to pick her kids up from school... ::evil laugh::
Her boss got on the radio and let all the drivers know that it was Roz's birthday. Several drivers piped in and said that they either heard the announcement at walmart, or that they saw the newspaper!! ::evil laugh::
Of course I had to give her the same courtesy that we gave my Dad. The hearse was there waiting for Mom... hahaha!!!





We had a party at Mom's house...





Of course I couldn't tell JS that he couldn't wear his Halloween costume, it's his birthday...He got a new transformer and 2 Ninja Turtles!!! He also got a four wheeling spiderman...and spiderman pajamas.



All in all it was a really good day. JT didn't get a very good nap, and the kids are exhausted. They are finally in bed, and i'm about ready to hit the sack too...
before I do...I have a confession to make...
Cris...I haven't been drinking my mate because i'm dumb. I really need to be more dilligent at doing what I know is good! I'm sorry Cris, please don't think that you've failed as a friend...I love you and your beautiful family.
There...whew got that off of my chest!!! Hey Cec...is there anything sticking to your stomach tonight or is it all seat belted in now?
It's late...i'm tired. I need a vacation.

I VOTED!

There you go!!! I did it, and there's my sticker to prove it! Now I can have my little toast in the morning, and I won't cringe everytime the phone rings. I'm so excited for tomorrow!!!




Tomorrow is little JS's birthday. He is going to be 4! So my sidebar is finally correct. Four years ago tonight I went into labor with the sweetest little boy in the world! He was born on my Mom's birthday. I had him at four in the morning. I called my Mom and said, "Happy Birthday!! Your present is up here at the hospital!" I'll never forget the excitement in her voice when she said, "He's HERE!!??" It wasn't more than about 30 minutes when she came through the door with my Daddy and my brother Brandon. They were all excited, but I think that there was something special between my Mom and JS. She has always called him her birthday buddy. So tomorrow is JS's birthday, and Grandma's birthday! This birthday is very special. Grandma is going to be 50.
I'm so excited for all of the fun things that we have planned. Mom and I had a lot of fun when Dad turned 50 in March. His birthday started with a messy car (thanks Tiff) and a phone call from me telling his whole work area that he was 50 that day. I then brought him a cake to work to share with the co-workers..hehe the cake had a skeleton on it. Then we went and got all of the party supplies. I met a funeral director in Layton, and we went to pick my Dad up in the hurse. hehehe!! We picked him up, and I had the radio station tuned in and the DJ came on and said "Happy Birthday Terry!...I understand you're riding in a hurse right now...man your kids are mean". It was so funny...then they played a song for him that he always sang to us kids when we were little. We drove around for awhile with our lights on in our 'procession'. We had signs around the neighborhood that said, 'Funeral...Happy Birthday Terry.' We had the hurse parked in the driveway all night! Then we had a party with all of Dad's siblings and his parents. I'll never forget that night. It was so fun. Here's Dad in his hurse...hehehe...kinda morbid, I know...Oh well.


I can't wait for my Mom to find all of our little surprises tomorrow. I really, really love my Mom. She is one of my best friends. I will definately document what goes on tomorrow. Can't wait for Joshua to be 4! He's so excited! I'm so proud of him.

If one more person...

...Calls me to remind me to vote tomorrow...i'm gonna FREAK! Seriously...I know that it's good to be reminded, especially for people like myself. I'm kind of brain-dead. I know that, my family knows that, my friends know that...but did someone inform the government of that?
I have recieved 5, no really, 5 phone calls today reminding me to vote for this bill and that bill...and who to vote for, and "Can I ask you how you're going to vote?" NO YOU MAY NOT!!! That is no one's business! GRRR...
I know what tomorrow is. I know that it's voting day. I've seen the billion flyers and signs in people's yards. Yesterday I had 4 differernt mailers come to my house telling me who to vote for. Don't worry, i've been really excited all year long for the stupid sticker that you are going to give me when I take time out of my busy day to come vote. Why stickers? Are we five years old? I'll tell you what will make people vote...DOUGHNUTS. Doughnuts will make people vote, not phone calls and stickers. I don't want a stupid sticker. You'll get more people to vote with stickers that have doughnuts on them that tell people where to get their free doughnut. I don't want a pencil that says, "I VOTED". No one cares if you voted, don't put it on a pencil. If you choose to vote, GREAT! If not, please don't think that i'm going to strike you down, and put "I HATE YOU" banners in your yard. I DON'T CARE! The people that call me act like they're going to put a friggin pipe bomb in my mail box if I don't vote. I can't wait until next week when the news gets back to the WAR WE ARE FIGHTING...and all of the hype for referendum 1 goes away. If I see one more commercial...It's annoying to say the least! Oh well. I can't wait til tomorrow to put that sticker on my shirt!!
On Wednesday I am going to toast my Diet Coke and doughnut to the day-after-sticker-day. WOO HOO!

Angels are the PERFECT MEDICINE

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Aunt Debbie for taking me to Salt Lake tonight to see Tori!!! It really was exactly what I needed. Steven stayed home with the kids and I was able to go scrub in and see Miss Tori! You really CAN see Heaven in her beautiful eyes! I missed feeling her sweet spirit and being near her. She makes my heart feel like the size of Texas! I can't get enough of her. I just want to stay with her all day and night.
They lifted the lid on her incubator and she opened her little eyes, and reached her hand towards me. I know it was probably just a reaction, but it was so good for me! I got to talk to her and tell her how much Cousin Tami loves her. Kayla told me that she loves me too! Of course she does...i'm the President of her fan club. Kayla also said that she saw all of the well wishes on my blog for little Tori...THANK YOU EVERYONE!! I know that the prayers and thoughts for her have helped. One of her nurses is a girl I was good friends with in High School. I know she is in good hands! She and her hubby both work at Primary Childrens. I am so glad that they are there watching over her!!!
I want nothing more than to hold that precious little baby. I can't wait until January when she can come home. I had a dream the other night that I was babysitting her. I just can't express how much love and admiration I have for her. She is in my thoughts constantly.
I've been really down the last little while, but I feel like i'm on top of a mountain tonight, because tonight I held the hand of an angel, and tonight I feel like a QUEEN!