Sweet, sweet angel and selfish me...

I am so excited! Tori is opening her eyes! What a sweet, sweet girl! I can't wait to look into her eyes. I am sure i'll catch a glimpse of Heaven when I do. I can't help but wonder what she is thinking about...what she might be pondering. I am ONE PROUD COUSIN! What a little fighter she is. I wonder if they make boxing gloves for her size...hmmm...
I am so proud of Frank and Kayla for handling this all so well. I guess I didn't realize how strong they really are. For Heavenly Father to give them something this hard to handle, it must mean that they can handle almost anything! I have learned so many things about this sweet couple. Frank is truly a Peterson, strong and brave...and Miss Kayla has a smile that would warm the heart of a snow pea. I love them so much, and know them so much more! Our family is closer, and so much more appreciative of eachother.
I have to admit i've been a little depressed lately. I have suffered from depression for most of my life. Mostly thanks to some pretty traumatic events in my youth. I have felt saddened, and alone, but mostly just useless. I've felt like i'm not good enough and I like don't work hard enough. I have found myself hating my surroundings and feeling anger towards my situation.
I should be grateful for all that I have been blessed with. I have so much to be thankful for. Mostly the little ones that surround me daily. Hopefully sometime soon i'll start to feel better. As for right now, i'm fighting tears almost minute by minute.
I love my family, I love my friends. I love that I have a roof over my head (even if it does leak). I just want more for my little ones and for me too. Is it wrong to be selfish sometimes? I want to do something FOR ME. I want to be just a little selfish. Just a teeny tiny bit...

Annual Pumpkin Carve

Every year Steve's Grandma and Grandpa Rogers have the family over to carve pumpkins. We LOVE this part of fall! For the last two weeks, JL has been asking me when Grandma was going to call. Patience, my dear!
Steven is always so cute helping the little ones with their pumpkins. I love watching him help the kids.
JL was obsessed with being 'fashionable' at the pumpkin carve. She decided that she wanted to dress like her cousins, so she put this outfit on. I think it's darling! I love how she poses.


JT tried to pick up this pumpkin the whole time! I kept telling him that it probably weighed about as much as he does. Of course, he didn't understand it, and kept rolling it around the yard babbling about something important, i'm sure. He is too funny.

JS kept on telling everyone that he couldn't get pumpkin guts on his new cast because it will "Be really nasty stinky". I took him back to the doctor on Friday to make sure that his bones are healing correctly, and they said that he is doing really well. 3 more weeks in the long cast, and then they'll take it off and put him in a half arm cast for another 3 weeks. He is already counting down the days until he can take the darn thing off. He was really annoyed that he couldn't mess with the pumpkin guts this year.

I love Steven's family...they do so many fun things together. Update on Tori...she was having some stomach problems, but nothing too severe. From what I understand, she is doing really well. Kayla was able to change a messy diaper this week! I never thought I would be so thrilled about a messy diaper, but I was! I actually miss her a lot. I haven't seen her in a long time, 2 whole weeks. I am glad that she is at Primary Children's, but I miss her being so close to us so I could go visit that little angel any time I wanted to. She's a doll.


We are having Sunday dinner at my house tonight. All of my family will be here, except for my Mom who is in Arizona helping her parents move back home. I am really excited to have my family here. We are gonna watch Boston and Colorado play tonight. GO RED SOX!!!

TAG...I'm it!!!

Thanks, Kate...for tagging me. 7 random facts about myself...

1. I LOVE laundry!!! I don't know why...maybe my life is just so boring that I feel so inclined to love laundry. Thursday is my favorite day of the week. Woo Hoo for laundry day!! I also have laundry folding OCD. Don't touch my laundry, man.


2. I am A HUGE Matchbox Twenty fan. I love Rob Thomas and the whole gang. I have actually touched Rob's hand. I was also given a drum stick from Paul. I talked to Adam on the phone once (thanks Mike). WOO HOO!!! It still gets me all giddy to think about it... Music is a big part of my life.


3. I hope no one turns me in for child abuse, but I LOVE JS'S BUM!! I don't know why..it's just cute. I'm sure he's going to go to High School, and his buddies will be like, "um...dude, howcome your Mom won't stop touching your butt?" He'll turn and look at me, and i'll wave sarcastically. I just love it!

4. I have known Steven since I was 12 years old. His parents have always been my parents. The day we were married, Steve's Dad told me that I had always been apart of the family, but that today we were just making it official.
I have watched all of Steve's cousins grow up, and they've been MY cousins. If I had to pic favorites, I would have to say Courtney and Abbey are my favs. Here's a picture of them with JL at a baseball game. I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!



5. I love horses! I have always loved the feeling of riding through a stream or up a mountain. I love feeling the wind in my hair when they run. I love hugging their big heads and patting their sides. I could brush a horse all day long. Steve's Dad owns 5 horses. I have ridden Jimbo and Bunny since I was a little girl, and now I get to ride them whenever I want to...I LOVE IT!!! That was another perk I recieved from marrying Steven.

6. I live in a mortuary. I know...gross. I'm not a fan, either. I have learned so many things from working and living here, tho. I have learned that life is so fragile. Life is easily lost, and it can happen on a dime. I have learned that if you set the alarm off at 3a.m it will scare the livin crap out of ya. I have learned that death isn't pretty, but it's one last service that someone can do for a family. I am definately ready to move, but it's been quite the experience...one for the kids to tell.

7. I am SICK in love with my husband. Really, no one throw up, please.
Steve makes me so happy. I love him so much. He has always caused my heart to race, and my knees to give out. He takes my breath away. The first time we kissed, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I begged him not to hurt me, because I had loved him for so long, and so much that I knew I couldn't take it. He always has been and always will be the love of my life.


Okay time to tag other friends...
Aunt Debbie
Aunt Carrie
Lora
Cort
Cecily
Crystal
Hotmama

Better days

Friday afternoon JS got his cast! He was really excited to pick out the color. He went with Ninja Turtle green. Oh, i'm so surprised. We arrived at the doctor's office thinking that he would only be in a half arm cast because it was just a bow fracture. However, when we got there, they had reviewed his x-ray and found that not just one bone was broken, but two. They ended up putting him in a full arm cast. He is actually doing really well with it. He whines sometimes when it hurts, but he's doing really well.
Friday night, we went to Grandma house to practice two songs that the kids sang at little Carter's graveside service. The kids sang "Families can be together forever" and "I am a child of God". It was really good. They were all so cute. I was proud of them. The graveside was really good. Uncle Bart gave a really good talk where he expressed his love for his kids, and told them how much he hurt for them, just like they are hurting for little Carter. He also bore his testimony of the plan of salvation.
When I came home, I had a PACKAGE!!! I was so excited! Wendi (dancing queen) sent me some GOOD MAIL!!! It was perfect timing. I was feeling sad, and disappointed, and then...there was a good friend who knew I needed something good to happen. It had life savers in it, and a girly girl mix of awesome songs along with a really nice note for me. I was so happy!! One of the girly girl songs is a new song by a girl named Colbie called Bubbly. It's so funny that she put that song on there, I have heard it several times and thought about little Carter every time i've heard it. We listened to the CD all weekend.
We drove to Beaver, UT to see Steven's Mom and Dad this weekend. The boys all went hunting and the girls stayed home and rested. It was really relaxing, and exactly what our little family needed. We got home late last night, and i'm glad to be home.
Little Tori is doing really well!! She had a central line put in on Saturday, and seems to be doing better. She is still fighting her battle real hard, but we are grateful for the time we have spent with her. She's such a special spirit. Thank You to everyone for your advice, prayers, and stories of hope that you've sent. I love having blogging friends!!
Now if I could just get JS to stop climbing up on things and jumping off, everything will be okay...

I'm not gonna cry...nope not gonna do it.

the splint...

Yesterday wasn't a bad day. It was just rough. And long. And tiring. And frustrating.
So I was excited to go to Salt Lake to see little Tori at Primary Chilren's. I sent JL and JS to the Primary President's house to play and just took JT with me. While I was there, we had a problem, and I wasn't able to see Tori. They had to take Kayla to the emergency room. Of course I was fine with that, there was nothing I could do about it.
I got a phone call from the Primary Pres. She said, "I have a little boy here who fell off the swingset, and only wants his Mommy." I talked to JS and told him that he was probably just really tired and that I would be home soon. He said, "Mom, Ninja Turtles are tough, but this really hurts." So I left. I was stuck in traffic for 2 hours with a crying JT who only wanted milk in his bottle and a nap. He didn't fall asleep, and by the time I got to Layton, I decided to stop at Grandma's house and grab some milk. I then realized that I didn't change JT before we left the hospital, and that our 2 hours spent in Salt Lake traffic probably wasn't good for his diaper. I got him out of the car, and he was soaked. I got him inside to change him and feed him, while the only thing making him happy was my cell phone. Yes, this was a bad idea, but I felt bad that he was crying so much. Well, he decided that my phone looked like a football, and tossed it to the floor. ...right before it died, I got a text message that i'm sure was from Aunt Carrie. I don't know what she needed or what's going on with Kayla or Tori, because the phone is broken. Well, I drive home to find Steven holding JS. I notice that JS isn't using his arm. Yup, my phone isn't the only thing that's broken. So I took him to the doctor, and our suspicions were confirmed. JS will be in a splint until tomorrow because his arm is swollen, and tomorrow they will put him in a cast.
I went to bed before anything else could go wrong.

Terrel

Grandpa dancing with JL
My Daddy is my hero. He is such a strong person. I want to be more like him. He is such a good Grandpa. He is a man of faith. A man of conviction.
Whenever he sees JS he says..."Helllloooo Buddy." JS always smiles at him. Whever he sees JT he always says..."Helllooo JT." The boys both love seeing their Grandpa. Jaden's full name is Jaden Terrel. Terrel is my Dad's name. All of his friends call him Terry. We wanted to always remember the goodness that my Dad brings to our lives by naming our son after him.
He is a lot like his Father...they have to repeat the same old jokes over and over again. Grandpa would always say things on a nice sunny day like, "Drive safely, it's slick out there." Likewise, my Dad says things to my kids all the time like, "Hey JL, wanna know a secret?" To which she will smile (because she knows what's coming) and bring her ear to his lips. He will whisper, "Your Grandpa loves you." And she always giggles.
I wish I could be more like him. Loving, caring, sweet, thoughtful....fun. I love him so much!!!
Tonight I wanted to write a happy post, since the last two haven't been so. The first happy thought I had was of my Dad.

Another happy thought I had was that little Tori is at Primary Children's hospital. She is getting better care, and will have heart surgery tomorrow. What a blessing! My friend Cris informed me that when Primary Children's Med Center was rededicated, in the dedicatory prayer it was said that angels are assigned to each baby in the care of the hospital. This gave me goosebumps. I am so happy tonight for all the blessings in my life. Mostly my Steven and my three little angels that sleep in a tiny room in the back of our apartment. I could not ask for more...

updates...

Teeny Tiny Toes...

On Saturday morning approximately 2:38, our little prince Carter passed away in the arms of his Mother. We all sat and cried, and held him. His little spirit is no longer in his body, but is comforting his Mother. He will forever be in our hearts, and we will not forget him and his valiant struggle to stay here on this Earth. I'm sure he knew what a wonderful family he had been born into, and that's why he wanted to stay. This little boy was obedient when his Father in Heaven called him back home. I'm sure he knew of the blessings that would come to our family in the days, weeks and years to come. What an amazing spirit this little boy has. I feel honored and blessed to have been in the same room with him to feel his spirit and his love.
Sweet little Tori is fighting to stay here as well. I'm sure she also knows what a wonderful family she has come to. What a loving Mom and Dad, along with Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles...she's fighting really hard to stay with them. We all want her to continue to fight, but if our Heavenly Father calls her home also, we know she will be obedient like her brother. She can hold onto your finger with a tight grip. My Great Grandmother always said that a tight grip always means that you have a strong testimony. I'm sure Tori is very aware of the other side and the plan of our Heavenly Father...I know because of her tight grip! She raises her hand high above her and her Mother puts her finger in her hand and little Tori brings her Mother's hand to her chest.
What a bitter sweet time this has been. Our family has come together, and i've seen more service in the last 5 days than ever before in my life. It is such an honor to be counted among these Peterson women, and I am eternally grateful.