I am so excited! Tori is opening her eyes! What a sweet, sweet girl! I can't wait to look into her eyes. I am sure i'll catch a glimpse of Heaven when I do. I can't help but wonder what she is thinking about...what she might be pondering. I am ONE PROUD COUSIN! What a little fighter she is. I wonder if they make boxing gloves for her size...hmmm...
I am so proud of Frank and Kayla for handling this all so well. I guess I didn't realize how strong they really are. For Heavenly Father to give them something this hard to handle, it must mean that they can handle almost anything! I have learned so many things about this sweet couple. Frank is truly a Peterson, strong and brave...and Miss Kayla has a smile that would warm the heart of a snow pea. I love them so much, and know them so much more! Our family is closer, and so much more appreciative of eachother.
I have to admit i've been a little depressed lately. I have suffered from depression for most of my life. Mostly thanks to some pretty traumatic events in my youth. I have felt saddened, and alone, but mostly just useless. I've felt like i'm not good enough and I like don't work hard enough. I have found myself hating my surroundings and feeling anger towards my situation.
I should be grateful for all that I have been blessed with. I have so much to be thankful for. Mostly the little ones that surround me daily. Hopefully sometime soon i'll start to feel better. As for right now, i'm fighting tears almost minute by minute.
I love my family, I love my friends. I love that I have a roof over my head (even if it does leak). I just want more for my little ones and for me too. Is it wrong to be selfish sometimes? I want to do something FOR ME. I want to be just a little selfish. Just a teeny tiny bit...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Sweet, sweet angel and selfish me...
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16 comments:
Of course it's okay to be a little selfish! Sometimes it's quite necessary, & it's completely natural!
Hang in there sweetie!! You're a great cousin, great mom & great friend! Please don't ever feel useless!!!
Love ya - Kate
My dear sweet Tammy... I to have had a struggle with depression.. mad at the world, mad at those I should have loved the most, but worst of all mad at myself.. I have recently (in the past 3 years) only had a few days of struggling.. I quit worrying about what anyone else thought of me.. I just worried about me.. I made a daily list, and if I did not finish something.. I put it on the next days list.. It was only when I quit worrying about how others felt or what they thought of me that I changed how I thought of me.. I will say I am a much happier person and I truly think that I have beaten the depression bug.. Life is to short to let bad feelings make us who we are.. We need to jump out of bed each morning and tell ourselves that today is going to be the best day of our lives.. I am not telling you this to preach to you.. I only tell you this because I to spent years on drugs and years of crying when no one was around.. It was a choice I made in my head to not be sad anymore.. You can beat this.. And life does get better I promise.. I love you, Aunt Carrie
Tams, I can't even type because the tears are so heavy in my eyes. You know what my deal is. How hard life is at time. (most times!) But I think Heavenly Father must have thought you were so strong. So strong that you would be able to fight a battle nearly every day. A battle that no one sees, a battle that you fight alone. The road is long, and dusty, twisting and turning, sometimes uphill.
You know that I love you so much. I think of you as my daughter. I cherish the infulence you have in our lives.
I know that you will have a better day, just not sure if it will be tomorrow. Crying is ok. Just smile everyone once in a while, so your kids don't worry!
Love Ya
You aren't alone. I have suffered from depression for 25 years. I choose not to use drugs, but I do see a psycho-therapist every other week and exercise religiously. Do whatever works for you--but do something. Most women who suffer just live with it until they reach the late 30's or mid 40's. Then, it just gets to the point where you absolutely can't live like that any more.
No matter what it takes, put yourself first on your list. My therapist requires me to exercise every day. She tricks me though. She says, "just walk for 15 minutes. If you want to, go longer, but just force yourself to go 15 minutes." of course, I always go longer. It is so nice--those endorphins really work.
Only when you are well will your family be well. God gave you just this one life--don't let depression take it from you. Take TIME FOR YOURSELF!!!
---From some one who loves you and knows that you have been asked to put up with way too much
Hang in there babe. There is a battle raging, and it is real. I know that Satan's best tool right now with women is depression. He's working hard on you for a reason--you are awesome. Don't let him win. When life gets too hard to bear, get down on your knees. Even if it's 10 times a day. He'll be there listening every single time.
Love you!!
I echo Wendi, and Love you too!
It's OK to want to be selfih, really it is!
You are a wonderful mom and sister and wife and daughter. And a great new friend to me!
You are so not useless, "God doesn't make no junk!"
I have a feeling that you have a LOT of people on your side, cheering you on! Hang in there!
I feel like a complete idiot right now because I seriously don't know what to say...most of it's been said by these other great people.
I'm sorry about your battles. I know a little bit about what's happened with you and I can tell you that I am truly amazed by your ability to get through it like you did and do. You are so, SO much stronger than you think, and such a great example!
And, no, I don't think it's being selfish to want more--especially if its for your family.
Hey Tami, No I did not go private. My blog has been stolen by my psycho stalker (who has harrassed me for 16 years - that's why I use the alias' and don't post pics of my kids) anyway although I have always tried to avoid using my genius for revenge, I'm getting pretty ticked-off - I do have a new blog at hotmamashouse dot blogspot dot com, but I don't know how long I'll use it. She has also taken over my email and is generally trying to screw up my virtual life, since she can't touch my real life. I may have to go private so keep checking in incase I have to go underground to avoid the witch.
I am so thrilled about how well little Tori is doing! and I understand your struggles with depression - I have to tell you Zoloft is wonderful, it just takes the edge off and makes everything a little more bearable. I put a wonderful quote, that I got from one of Sheri Dew's books, in my kitchen (where I will have a moment to ponder it several times daily) -
"Don't ever underestimate the power of Jesus Christ to help you. Isiah said it this way: 'Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God,...the Creator of the ends of the earth...giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strenght...They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:28-31)
yay for baby Tori!
i totally feel you on the depression. i have struggled as long as i can remember. i am all about the prozac, and have pretty much gotten all of my family to take something too. it helps. counseling helps too. if you are in the right mindset to have it help you. but sometimes is it a chemical or hormonal issue and you have to get that under control first. and then see about the counseling. but then the stress of getting a sitter for it. and the cost doens't help if your depression is money related. take time for yourself! you have to be selfish sometime. or there won't me anything left for you to give. keep up the fight! know that you are loved. and that you aren't alone. i think you rock, now you need to also! and fake it til you make it! and take time to do something for yourself, read a good book, shut everyone in their rooms and watch a fave movie or show. you need some time. i have been way better when i get some time alone. even if it is reading in the bathroom. ((Hugs))! hope you are having a better day!
Love you again!
Love you too!
Some days are harder than others. You definitely have to take some time for yourself. I can't be the mom I want to be without being a little selfish sometimes. I figure I'm teaching my kids to be selfish by helping me do what I need to to stay sane.
I just came about your blog and I wanted to reach out and hug you. I don't know the struggles you had or have, but you sound incredibly kind and brave and deserving of some major blessings.
Wanting more for your family and self is not selfish. You wouldn't be a good Mom if you didn't want the best for your family. And sometimes us moms need to treat ourselves to something just to reward ourselves for all our hard work.
Keep your chin up.
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