Aches and Growing Pains

These babies were hard to bring to this earth. I have a condition called hyperemesis. Which basically means that I vomit until i'm dehydrated. I know, gross. That was my life for 9 months each time I was pregnant. I thought for sure that it would get easier each time I had a baby. I was wrong. When I was pregnant with JT I was admitted to the hospital where my doctor told me that if I would have gone another day in that condition, I probably would have lost the baby and my own life. I spent many days on the couch at home teathered to an IV pole. When he finally made it here to Earth, I was so happy. My doctor informed me that it probably wasn't a good idea to have any more babies. Six weeks later, I had a tubal ligation. That was the hardest decision of my life so far. I love my kids, and I always felt like there was going to be more than 3. Well, I guess I was wrong. My baby is going to be a year old in 8 days. He's walking all over the place. He seems more like a toddler now than a baby. It's been really tough for me to let him grow up. I love these three little monsters! They are my whole life. I get confirmations about once a month that I did the right thing. I really wanted another baby, but life isn't giving me that option anymore. I'm in the retired Mom's club. I am going to miss having binki's all over the house, along with onsies and little socks. I'm going to miss having to wash bottles at night, and nursing. I'm going to miss burp rags, and the baby swing. I'll miss the attention a Mom gets when a new baby is born. Call me crazy, but i'm going to miss diapers and the sweet smell of baby wipes, at least I get to have those for a couple more years. I guess i'll just rely on my siblings to share their babies with me until this ache in my heart goes away. I hope it does. Man, it hurts.