So i'm going to admit it..I bawled all day today. I haven't cried in a long long time. I think I had fresh tears about every ten minutes. I am stressed out beyond belief. Steven is at work and school a lot this semester. He's home between 430 to 445...a whole 15 minutes everyday. I try to have dinner ready for him when he gets home so that the kids and I can actually spend some time with him. By the time he gets home at night, the kids have long ago fallen asleep.
When the Bishop found out about Steve's schedule, he told me that I was going to be released from my calling which is Activity Days. I was released from Primary today. I feel like i've been punched in the stomach.
I have been brave this whole time, trying to keep busy, and keep the kids happy. Putting on a happy face. I feel like i'm failing. With all this time on my hands, you would think that my house would be so clean, and well, I guess I thought I was doing a good job of keeping it that way, but apparantly not. I guess, I dunno...I'm failing.
Does anyone else ever have boiling over days? I've kept this all bottled up for a long time, and I think it all exploded today. I'm feeling pretty blah today...and I had to get it out, i guess.
Hope everyone else is doing well.
Oh and i'm sick of viruses being linked to my blog! I had three comments last post that had links to viruses...thanks very much. I guess i'm gonna have to put the word verification thing up. GRRR
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Admitting..
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20 comments:
I know all too well how you feel!! There are days that I feel like every single aspect of my life is drowning me. A few days ago I found out someone was making things up and talking about me behind my back (I know, so junior high, right?) and it was the last straw. I bawled for hours. I'm so sorry you are feeling that way, but things always get better! My husband also has a crazy schedule, and it gets old at times. There is nothing wrong with admitting that it just gets hard! Good luck!
hey! we all feel like we are failing. i do all the time! and i can't keep up with my house ever. i thought with more kids gone I'd be able to but it hasn't happened. and i totally am lame about it. you aren't alone. that is a bummer they released you. but think of it as a little break for you. they'll give you an equally fun calling someday when life is less crazy for you with Stephen's schedule. and crying and feeling like a failure is normal and a moms job sometimes. i was so shocked to hear that a lady in my ward (whose hubby was bishop and stake president before, and my young womens adviser) felt in adequate! seriously shocking that this totally spiritual amazing talented woman felt like she wasn't enough. i always have and still think she is amazing. so you aren't alone. even the most impressive people have hard days. and feel like failures. HUGS for you! just keep swimming. someday you'll look back and wonder how you survived this time. and you'll know you can do anything becuase you survived this, it's not fun for sure but you are doing it! and that counts for something! i know how hard it is to never have help or your hubby home, mine graduated in December 2006. we had 6 kids by then. it sucked. but we are stronger for it. you will be too!
Someone told me once, just think in a short time you'll look back & this will just be a distant memory. I'm a firm believer in that. When you're in the middle of it, it doesn't feel that way; but soon it will.
I completely understand how you're feeling. I think most Moms do unfortunately! Hang in there sweetie!
Let's work on that get together again, I think we might all need a good break!
- Kate
I'm sorry you are having a rough time! I go through "break-down" moments from time to time - it's very common for us moms, I think. I hope you find a balance and get to feeling better soon!
I just took the word verification off of my blog - to make things easier for people - I haven't seen any viruses yet, but now I'm a little worried - thanks for the heads-up!
Take care and it was so nice to see you today - I'll see you soon. Kellan
I know how you feel. Since my hubby went back to school, I have these days often. It is a stressful time with school, work, kids, church and life. Sorry you got released from your calling. But that really is not your failure so don't look at it that way. I think your bishop just wanted to help your situation. Good luck with everything and know that "this too shall pass".
Ugh, that would be so hard. I cannot imagine only seeing my DH for a few minutes in the evenings. I look forward to him being home and being able to help with the kiddos. Keep chugging, I'm sure it will get better.
Well, you know my solution to everything--mate. I don't think it's totally about the drink. It's about the time-out it provides. And uhhhh.... that's maw-tay, though the other works too. :)
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. And I'm sorry for the viruses! That's rotten. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
Just took off my word verify maybe I better put it back on. Thanks for the heads up. YIKES
Totally understand how you feel. When my hubby was in school and working he was gone from 6 am to midnight almost every day. It was HARD! Lucky we only had one kid then. But it will pass. I look back and I wouldn't change it for a second. He has his education and that is a big deal. But it is ok to say that is is hard because it is.
We all have those days. I have them all the time!!! I totally feel like a failer as a mom most the time. I admit I got so bad that I went back to work because I felt like I was no good at home. Granted I work from home but I feel better having a paycheck to validate myself. You are doing the best thing you can do by being there with them and it is the hardest job in the world! Hang in there. I am glad that you have a bishop that is concerned about you. You didn't get fired you got relieved. You can only physically do so much at a time. I have been there. You are serving at home and that is more important right now.
Again hang in there. ((((HUGS)))) We all need a cry day every once in a while. I had one this week too. ;) My kids thought I had lost it.
this made me sad to hear. you are not failing! you are experiencing life, life that can be a bit too crazy at times. it is so easy for all of us to feel this way at times. just know that i KNOW that you are a fantastic mother and wife! plus, you are a pretty freakin' hilarious! lets im soon! i need some good laughs!
way to be real---btw.
loves!
well, the doctor is in. you just can't lay on my couch. Tam you are a good person, one of the most giving people I know. I know how much you love primary too so I can imaginr how upset you are. If anyone relates to you about not seeing their husband it's me. Go to my blog and listen to Avril. She will make it better.
Hang in there! You are not failing! The mere fact that you care about that means you are NOT FAILING.
Rest in the Lord, who adores you.
Blessings upon you,
Linda N
http://practicallyathome.blogspot.com
How are you feeling today sweetie? I hope the water works have quit!!
I know how that can be! For several years Troy worked 8am to 3pm then came home showered and grabbed something for dinner then worked 4 to midnight came home slept and started all over again! He had no full days off if he had the day off then he worked the night and vic a versa! Take a deep breath, hold it.... let it out! Hope all is looking better today!
And a big GRRRRR to the nasty virus planters! Love your little note to commentors!
I know what you mean...Husband is out of town until March 3. Of course, everyone comes down with the flu. I am at wits end. Hope things look up for you:)
Tami!
I am so sorry that I am so behind! I would call you or text you right now--this second, but my (New) phone fell in rootbeer and I had to get another one. I need your numbers again. CALL ME! Text me! We'll go out for chocolate shots and redheads and talk about stupid stuff. I'll help pay for the sitter...
It sounds like you are human like the rest of us, or at least now I know I am not the only one who ever feels this way.
There comes moments in my life where I just have to step back and say, "I've done what I could. I will always try to do better. But all in all, as long as my husband and child(ren) are happy, then that is enough for me."
And then I mentally take all my other stresses out of the picture and realize I could be happy with just my family...even if we lived in a cardboard box down by the river, I would still be happy. Of course when I say this to myself, it makes me laugh at the thought, but it magically gives me the strength to handle the current situation with a new since of engery. I am amazed at how powerful motherly instincts are. God gave us a gift. We are not whimps. It seems that when we stay true to the course when all of our natural senses tell us to abanden the cause and save ourselves, (we) and our families are so blessed... Blessed with the strength to keep going.
Anyways, I am sure you wanted the sermon...chuckle...it was probably for myself than anything. Know that you are loved and admired. Love, Alana
"Does anyone else ever have boiling over days?" Boy-Howdee! Do we ever! You are SOOOOO NOT alone! :)
I love the Trace Adkins song (I know - so NOT Match Box! But, work with me) I think it's called Your Gonna Miss This...being so old (42) I can see the truth in the song! I KNOW it doesn't make you feel better right now...but, just know that you WILL live to see a brighter day! This doesn't last!
And know that on any given day, several of us out here in bloggy land are feeling the same way...it's part of why we blog, to keep a good perspective...to not run screaming off into the sunset...
Sorry, wish I could be wittier (is that a word?:) But, I just wanted to let you know, I think you are a terrific wife and mom & friend...it shows through your blogging...
btw, I have left you a prize over at my place!
:)
Cheers!
Maria
I feel like a failure a lot of the time, and my husband gets home around 6:30 every evening! My house is usually a wreck. We do what we can and as long as we hang in there, in the end we become much stronger than we ever thought we could possibly be.
When my RS pres. called and asked if I would like to have someone over to help me clean my house, I wasn't even offended. I actually cried with relief! Sometimes I feel like I just can't keep up with my life.
I can't believe how much I've missed. My computer was in the shop for a week to debug from a virus I picked up from clicking on a spam comment (not on your blog). $200 later, I'm finally back.
Sorry you've been having a rough week. You rock.
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